Berselingkuh dari pasangan yang berkomitmen vs tetap setia ketika tergoda
Jika Anda bertindak
Berselingkuh
55%
Jika Anda tidak bertindak
Menolak perselingkuhan / tetap setia
15%
Persentase orang yang kemudian menyesali setiap pilihan. Diagram batang dan catatan lengkap ditampilkan di bawah.
Family
Terakhir ditinjau 2026-05-28
Kualitas bukti 4.25/5
Skor tinjauan delapan dimensi terhadap
rubrik kualitas
. Setiap dimensi dinilai 1–5.
D1 Verifikasi sumber
5/5
D2 Otoritas & independensi sumber
5/5
D3 Akurasi tingkat penyesalan
2/5
D4 Keterbandingan sumber
3/5
D5 Pola Gilovich
4/5
D6 Kualitas prosa
5/5
D7 Kelengkapan peringatan
5/5
D8 Kualitas sampel
5/5
Rata-rata4.25/5
Data proksi — tidak ada survei penyesalan langsung untuk keputusan ini. Tingkat diturunkan dari skor kepuasan dan data hambatan akses daripada pertanyaan yang langsung menanyakan tentang penyesalan. Lihat peringatan di bawah.
Penyesalan atas tindakan
Berselingkuh
55%
~55% orang dewasa AS dengan riwayat seks di luar pernikahan berpisah atau bercerai dari pasangan tersebut (proksi perilaku; penyesalan sikap dalam sampel pencari perselingkuhan jauh lebih rendah)
Orang dewasa AS, panel representatif nasional (General Social Survey)
seumur hidup; analisis cross-sectional riwayat EMS dan status pernikahan saat ini
Penyesalan atas kelambanan
Menolak perselingkuhan / tetap setia
15%
batas atas ≤15% — sebuah estimasi editorial penyesalan-rendah. Tidak ada survei yang mengukur penyesalan karena setia, dan tidak ada sumber yang dikutip menyatakan tingkat penurunan kepuasan untuk pasangan yang setia; baca ini sebagai batas atas kasar atas penyesalan-kelambanan yang masuk akal, konsisten dengan temuan yang dikutip bahwa ~77% pasangan yang mempertahankan kesetiaan (tanpa perselingkuhan) tetap menikah pada tahun kelima, bukan tingkat langsung.
Pasangan dalam studi kualitas pernikahan longitudinal; pasangan non-perselingkuhan dalam uji coba terapi acak
2–5 tahun
% menyesal dengan pilihan ini
BerselingkuhMenolak perselingkuhan / tetap setia
55%15%
action dominates — Bertindak mendominasi — sebagian besar menyesali karena bertindak.
Keputusan terkait
Keputusan yang serupa secara semantik — area yang sama, kompromi yang berbeda.
More than half of US adults with a history of extramarital sex end
up separated or divorced from the spouse they cheated on, according to
Allen and Atkins’ analysis of 16,090 respondents in the General Social
Survey (1991–2008). A history of extramarital sex raised the odds of
being currently divorced and not remarried by a factor of 4.1 and
separated by a factor of 5.8 relative to married, never-divorced
individuals. We use that “more than half” prose summary — rounded to
55% — as the action-side headline, with the explicit caveat that
this is a behavioural-dissolution proxy rather than an introspective
regret measurement.
A peer-reviewed direct measurement of attitudinal regret tells the
opposite story. Selterman, Joel and Dale’s 2023 study in Archives of
Sexual Behavior surveyed three samples of Ashley Madison users (N≈810,
868, and 234 longitudinally) and found that participants “were highly
satisfied with their affairs and expressed little moral regret.” On the
direct “I regret having this affair” item on a five-point scale, mean
scores sat near the disagreement end. That sample is, by construction,
people who proactively sought affairs — the floor of any plausible
regret estimate for the broader cheating population. The general-
population rate sits somewhere between the Selterman attitudinal floor
and the Allen and Atkins behavioural majority, and no survey lets us
pin it down more precisely.
The inaction side is weaker. No published survey directly asks faithful
spouses whether they regret not cheating. Karney and Bradbury’s 1995
review of 115 longitudinal marital studies (>45,000 marriages) documents
how marital quality and stability change over time, but its abstract
states no rate for how many spouses hold satisfaction steady, and no
cited source measures regret among the faithful. We therefore treat the
15% inaction figure as an editorial coarse ceiling on any plausible
inaction regret rather than a number read off a source. Its low
magnitude is only loosely anchored to the one structural datum we can
cite: Marín, Christensen and Atkins’ 2014 five-year follow-up of
couple-therapy participants found that 77% of non-infidelity couples
remained married, versus 57% of revealed-affair couples and 20% of
secret-affair couples — a signal that abstaining from cheating does not
on its own dissolve relationships.
Three different constructs hide inside the phrase “regretted the
affair”: regretting the act, regretting being caught, and regretting
having hurt the partner. None of the sources cited separates these
cleanly, and the mix almost certainly shifts with disclosure status and
marital survival. Clinical samples overrepresent distressed couples by
selection. Commercial samples overrepresent affair-seekers. Nationally
representative panels measure behaviour but not retrospective attitudes.
Recall bias and social desirability inflate noise in every direction.
What this entry shows is directional, not precise. The behavioural
evidence indicates that cheating destabilises relationships at high
rates; the attitudinal evidence among self-selected affair-seekers is
that they do not feel they did anything wrong. The road not taken — the
spouse who resisted an opportunity and stayed — is essentially absent
from the published record. Treat the 0.40 delta as a coarse upper bound
on the action-over-inaction asymmetry, not as a substantiated
percentage-point difference in introspective regret.
Sumber: tindakan
Buku besar klaim
Setiap angka di bawah ini adalah apa yang dilaporkan masing-masing sumber, dengan kutipan kata demi kata yang kami andalkan dan bagaimana kami sampai pada angka kami. Klik tautan mana saja untuk memverifikasi langsung.
2/2 sumber diverifikasi secara independen kata demi kata terhadap sumber terkutip
[1]Journal of Family Issues / Allen & Atkins — The Association of Divorce and Extramarital Sex in a Representative U.S. Sample
Terverifikasi
Telaah sejawat
History of extramarital sex raised the odds of being currently divorced and not remarried (OR=4.1), divorced and remarried (OR=2.6), or separated (OR=5.8); more than half of men and women who engage in EMS also separate or divorce from their spouse
Kutipan
“"Using self-reported history of extramarital sex (EMS), divorce, and separation data from 16,090 individuals assessed between 1991 and 2008 as part of the General Social Survey (GSS), the authors found that, relative to married (and never divorced) individuals, a history of EMS raised the likelihood of being currently divorced but remarried (odds ratio [OR] = 2.6), divorced and not remarried (OR = 4.1), and separated (OR = 5.8). The data from the GSS suggest that more than half of men and women who engage in EMS also separate or divorce from their spouse."
”
Data sumber dari
2012-07-01
Diakses
2026-05-28
Verifikasi
Kutipan diambil ulang secara independen dan dikonfirmasi kata demi kata terhadap sumber terkutip selama audit pendasaran kami.
Perhitungan
Nationally representative GSS data, N=16,090, 1991–2008. The 55% figure is a behavioral proxy: it is the abstract's "more than half" prose summary of the share of EMS-engagers who later separate or divorce from the spouse they cheated on. The underlying odds ratios (2.6, 4.1, 5.8) do not translate directly into a single rate; "55%" is the rounded interpretation of "more than half" and should be read as a coarse estimate, not a precision number. This is divorce-as-behavioural-proxy for regret, NOT a direct measure of whether the cheater regrets the affair. People who divorce often regret the affair; some leave for the affair partner and do not regret it. The sign of the construct mismatch is unknown.
[2]Archives of Sexual Behavior / Selterman, Joel & Dale — No Remorse: Sexual Infidelity Is Not Clearly Linked with Relationship Satisfaction or Well-Being in Ashley Madison Users
Terverifikasi
Telaah sejawat
Participants on Ashley Madison reported high satisfaction with their affairs and low scores on 'I regret having this affair'; mean regret ratings sat near the disagreement end of a 5-point scale
Kutipan
“"Analyses revealed that participants were highly satisfied with their affairs and expressed little moral regret. … In contrast to previous findings, we did not observe low relationship quality (i.e., satisfaction, love, commitment) to be a major driver of affairs and the affairs did not predict decreases in these relationship quality variables over time."
”
Data sumber dari
2023-04-03
Diakses
2026-05-28
Verifikasi
Kutipan diambil ulang secara independen dan dikonfirmasi kata demi kata terhadap sumber terkutip selama audit pendasaran kami.
Perhitungan
Selterman et al. 2023, three samples (Sample A N=810, Sample B N=868, Sample C longitudinal N=234) of registered Ashley Madison users. This is the strongest peer-reviewed direct attitudinal measurement of post-affair regret available, and it points in the OPPOSITE direction of the GSS divorce-proxy: in a sample of people who proactively sought affairs, attitudinal regret is very low. We do not derive the 55% rate from Selterman — we cite it as the explicit counter-signal showing that construct-of-interest (introspective regret) and outcome (divorce) diverge sharply, and that cohort selection drives the result. The Selterman sample is the floor; the general population almost certainly sits between Selterman's "low" and the Allen & Atkins behavioural majority. We chose the behavioural proxy as the headline because it is the only number from a nationally representative sample.
Sumber: tidak bertindak
Buku besar klaim
Setiap angka di bawah ini adalah apa yang dilaporkan masing-masing sumber, dengan kutipan kata demi kata yang kami andalkan dan bagaimana kami sampai pada angka kami. Klik tautan mana saja untuk memverifikasi langsung.
2/2 sumber diverifikasi secara independen kata demi kata terhadap sumber terkutip
[1]Psychological Bulletin / Karney & Bradbury — The Longitudinal Course of Marital Quality and Stability: A Review of Theory, Methods, and Research
Terverifikasi
Telaah sejawat
A review of 115 longitudinal studies representing more than 45,000 marriages, summarizing and evaluating how marital quality and stability change over time
Kutipan
“"the methods and findings of 115 longitudinal studies--representing over 45,000 marriages--are summarized and evaluated"
”
Data sumber dari
1995-07-01
Diakses
2026-05-28
Verifikasi
Kutipan diambil ulang secara independen dan dikonfirmasi kata demi kata terhadap sumber terkutip selama audit pendasaran kami.
Perhitungan
Foundational meta-review covering 115 longitudinal marital studies, >45,000 marriages. The abstract of this 1995 paper confirms only that scope; it does NOT state a "60–85% of spouses with stable/minimal satisfaction decline over 2.5–4 years" figure. (That specific figure appears in a later review and is attributed there to post-1995 studies — Lavner, Bradbury & Karney 2012 and Lorber et al. 2014 — neither of which is cited in this entry.) We therefore do NOT derive the 15% inaction-side rate from this source. This source is retained only to establish that the longitudinal course of marital satisfaction is broadly and rigorously studied. No published survey directly asks faithful spouses whether they regret resisting an opportunity to cheat, so the 15% figure is an editorial coarse ceiling on any plausible inaction regret, not a rate read off any cited source. Its low magnitude is only loosely consistent with the Marín 2014 structural finding that ~77% of fidelity-maintaining couples remain married at five years.
[2]Couple and Family Psychology / Marín, Christensen & Atkins — Infidelity and Behavioral Couple Therapy: Relationship Outcomes Over 5 Years Following Therapy
Terverifikasi
Telaah sejawat
Five years after couple therapy, 77% of non-infidelity couples remained married versus 57% of couples who had revealed an affair and 20% of couples with a secret affair
Kutipan
“"[Paraphrase from abstract — full text paywalled] The study examined the posttherapy outcomes of 19 infidelity couples for up to 5 years following participation in a larger (N=134) randomized clinical trial of couple therapy. At the 5-year follow-up, 57% of couples who had revealed the infidelity stayed married, while only 20% of couples with secret infidelity did, compared with 77% of non-infidelity couples still married 5 years after treatment."
”
Data sumber dari
2014-01-01
Diakses
2026-05-28
Verifikasi
Kutipan diambil ulang secara independen dan dikonfirmasi kata demi kata terhadap sumber terkutip selama audit pendasaran kami.
Perhitungan
Marín, Christensen & Atkins 2014, Couple and Family Psychology (APA). N=134 total in the parent RCT, 19 infidelity couples analysed. The 77% intact rate for non-infidelity couples after five years complements the Karney & Bradbury satisfaction finding: in clinically-distressed but fidelity-maintaining couples, three quarters remain married. This is a behavioural anchor for "abstaining from cheating does not, on its own, consign the relationship to collapse." It is NOT a regret measurement. The selection bias is severe: this is a therapy-seeking sample where couples were already in distress. Despite this, non-infidelity couples fared more than three times better than secret-affair couples on the marital-stability outcome. We use this as supporting evidence that the inaction side does not generate large structural costs, not as a regret rate per se.
Catatan
Tidak satu pun sisi memiliki survei penyesalan langsung dari sampel non-klinis yang representatif secara nasional, itulah sebabnya entri ini mengusung proxy_only: true. Kedua sisi juga tidak sepakat secara internal tentang apa arti "penyesalan berselingkuh" itu sendiri. Analisis GSS Allen dan Atkins (N=16,090) menemukan bahwa lebih dari separuh pelaku seks di luar pernikahan kemudian berpisah atau bercerai — sinyal perilaku yang kuat bahwa perselingkuhan menggoyahkan hubungan. Studi Selterman, Joel dan Dale 2023 terhadap pengguna Ashley Madison (N≈810–868 per sampel) menemukan sebaliknya pada tingkat sikap: pencari perselingkuhan aktif melaporkan kepuasan tinggi terhadap perselingkuhan mereka dan penilaian yang sangat rendah pada item langsung "Saya menyesal telah berselingkuh". Kedua temuan tersebut tidak bertentangan; keduanya mengukur hal yang berbeda. Perceraian adalah konsekuensi perilaku; item Likert bersifat introspektif dan dijawab oleh orang-orang yang keberadaannya dalam sampel sudah menyiratkan penyesalan awal yang rendah. Angka utama 55% mencerminkan interpretasi konsekuensi-perilaku, yang lebih representatif terhadap populasi. Tiga konstruk berbeda tersembunyi di dalam frasa "menyesali perselingkuhan": menyesali perbuatan itu sendiri, menyesal ketahuan, dan menyesal telah menyakiti pasangan. Tidak ada sumber yang kami temukan memisahkan ini secara jelas, dan ukuran relatif tiap komponen hampir pasti bervariasi tergantung apakah perselingkuhan diungkapkan dan apakah pernikahan bertahan. Sampel klinis dan pencari terapi (Marín dkk. 2014; sebagian besar literatur terapi pasangan) terlalu banyak mewakili pernikahan yang bermasalah secara konstruksi; sampel komersial (pengguna Ashley Madison) terlalu banyak mewakili pencari perselingkuhan aktif; sampel yang representatif secara nasional (GSS, NSFG) mengukur perilaku tetapi bukan sikap retrospektif. Bias ingatan, keinginan sosial, dan efek kohort-rekrutmen menjadikan ini salah satu permukaan data paling berisik dalam penelitian hubungan. Sisi kelambanan bahkan lebih lemah. Ulasan Karney dan Bradbury terhadap 115 studi pernikahan longitudinal (>45,000 pernikahan) mendokumentasikan bagaimana kualitas dan stabilitas pernikahan berubah seiring waktu, tetapi abstraknya tidak menyatakan proporsi pasangan yang mempertahankan kepuasan tetap stabil, dan tidak ada sumber yang dikutip mengukur penyesalan di antara pasangan yang setia. Oleh karena itu, angka 15% untuk kelambanan adalah batas atas editorial kasar atas penyesalan-kelambanan yang masuk akal, bukan tingkat yang diambil dari suatu sumber; sebagian besar pasangan dengan kepuasan menurun tidak pernah mempertimbangkan berselingkuh dan tidak akan menggambarkan ketidakpuasan mereka sebagai "penyesalan karena tidak berselingkuh". Tindak lanjut Marín, Christensen dan Atkins 2014 terhadap peserta terapi pasangan menunjukkan bahwa 77% pasangan tanpa perselingkuhan tetap menikah pada tahun kelima, dibandingkan 57% pasangan dengan perselingkuhan yang terungkap dan 20% pasangan dengan perselingkuhan yang dirahasiakan — sekali lagi sinyal struktural alih-alih tingkat penyesalan, tetapi konsisten dengan temuan arah bahwa menahan diri dari perselingkuhan tidak dengan sendirinya menghasilkan ketidakpuasan yang meluas. Konteks budaya dan kohort penting. Data GSS mencakup 1991–2008 dan data Ashley Madison berasal dari pertengahan 2010-an; norma seputar monogami, pengungkapan, dan perceraian telah bergeser, dan meningkatnya hubungan terbuka konsensual mengubah makna "berselingkuh" pada minoritas kemitraan yang terus bertumbuh. Teori Roese dan Summerville 2005 memprediksi bahwa penyesalan-kelambanan mendominasi dari waktu ke waktu dalam ranah dengan persepsi peluang tinggi untuk tindakan korektif; dalam hubungan monogami, baik tindakan maupun kelambanan memiliki peluang korektif yang tinggi (seseorang dapat mengaku, bercerai, atau mencari perselingkuhan di masa depan), yang memperumit prediksi Gilovich standar. Pola tindakan-mendominasi yang tercermin di sini didorong oleh proksi pembubaran-perilaku di sisi tindakan dan sinyal penyesalan-langsung mendekati nol di sisi kelambanan, yang keduanya merupakan proksi untuk konstruk yang sebenarnya kami perhatikan.
