Menetapkan batasan pribadi yang tegas dalam hubungan dan pekerjaan vs. mengikuti kemauan orang lain untuk menyenangkan mereka
Jika Anda bertindak
Menetapkan batasan tegas / mengatakan tidak
17%
Jika Anda tidak bertindak
Menyenangkan orang lain / tidak menetapkan batasan
48%
Persentase orang yang kemudian menyesali setiap pilihan. Diagram batang dan catatan lengkap ditampilkan di bawah.
Lifestyle
Terakhir ditinjau 2026-05-24
Kualitas bukti 4.38/5
Skor tinjauan delapan dimensi terhadap
rubrik kualitas
. Setiap dimensi dinilai 1–5.
D1 Verifikasi sumber
5/5
D2 Otoritas & independensi sumber
5/5
D3 Akurasi tingkat penyesalan
2/5
D4 Keterbandingan sumber
4/5
D5 Pola Gilovich
5/5
D6 Kualitas prosa
5/5
D7 Kelengkapan peringatan
5/5
D8 Kualitas sampel
4/5
Rata-rata4.38/5
Data proksi — tidak ada survei penyesalan langsung untuk keputusan ini. Tingkat diturunkan dari skor kepuasan dan data hambatan akses daripada pertanyaan yang langsung menanyakan tentang penyesalan. Lihat peringatan di bawah.
Penyesalan atas tindakan
Menetapkan batasan tegas / mengatakan tidak
17%
Tidak diukur secara langsung: tidak ada survei yang menanyakan kepada orang yang benar-benar menetapkan batas tegas apakah mereka menyesalinya. Bar ini adalah placeholder yang disetel ke angka kepuasan dari survei yang sama — 17% orang yang menggambarkan diri sebagai people-pleaser mengatakan sifat itu membuat hidup mereka lebih mudah — yang mengukur kepuasan terhadap sikap menyenangkan orang lain, BUKAN penyesalan atas penetapan batas. Angka ini tidak dibalik menjadi tingkat penyesalan sisi tindakan; bacalah sisi ini sebagai tidak terukur
Orang dewasa AS yang mengidentifikasi diri sebagai penyenang orang, panel daring
sentimen retrospektif, dilakukan Agustus 2024
Penyesalan atas kelambanan
Menyenangkan orang lain / tidak menetapkan batasan
48%
48% orang yang menggambarkan diri sebagai people-pleaser mengatakan sikap seperti ini telah membuat hidup mereka lebih sulit — sebuah proksi sentimen hidup (proporsi yang menyebut sifat itu sebagai beban bersih), BUKAN ukuran langsung penyesalan atas tidak menetapkan batas
Orang dewasa AS yang mengidentifikasi diri sebagai penyenang orang, panel daring
sentimen retrospektif, dilakukan Agustus 2024
% menyesal dengan pilihan ini
Menetapkan batasan tegas / mengatakan tidakMenyenangkan orang lain / tidak menetapkan batasan
17%48%
inaction dominates — Tidak bertindak mendominasi — sebagian besar menyesali karena tidak bertindak.
Keputusan terkait
Keputusan yang serupa secara semantik — area yang sama, kompromi yang berbeda.
Approximately 48% of US adults who describe themselves as people-pleasers say being this way has made their life harder, while only 17% say it has made their life easier and 22% report no effect. YouGov’s August 2024 survey of 1,122 US adults established these figures; an earlier YouGov survey from June 2022 (N=1,000) found a comparable 39% reporting “life harder,” with women far more likely than men to report the trait as a net drag (47% versus 26%). The action side — regret among people who actually set firm limits — is not measured in any large representative survey, so there is no direct rate for it. The only same-survey signal is that roughly 17% of people-pleasers say the trait has made their life easier; these are the adults who would plausibly find a wholesale switch to assertive limit-setting harder. That 17% measures satisfaction with the people-pleasing behavior, not regret of boundary-setting, and is surfaced only as a proxy. Givi and Kirk (2023, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology) corroborate the order of magnitude through a different lens: across five experiments with more than 2,000 participants, people who declined social invitations systematically overestimated how angry or rejected the inviter would feel, with actual relational damage substantially below anticipated levels. If the social cost of saying no is chronically overestimated, the post-decision regret of saying no should also run lower than the anticipatory anxiety predicts.
The inaction-dominant pattern in this domain is consistent with Roese and Summerville’s foundational 2005 finding in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin that long-term retrospective regret is dominated by things people did not do rather than things they did. Chronic over-accommodation is a sustained pattern of self-assertion inaction, and the Roese-Summerville framework predicts it will accumulate more long-term regret weight than discrete episodes of firm-limit-setting. The YouGov data tracks this prediction directly: a near-three-to-one ratio of “life harder” to “life easier” among self-identified people-pleasers, replicated across two independent surveys two years apart. The dilemma cuts across romantic, workplace, family, and social contexts — the same person who declines to push back on a partner’s request to skip therapy may also accept overtime they did not want, host family they wished would not visit, and attend social events out of guilt. YouGov does not segment by context, so the headline rates are cross-context averages.
The main caveat is that neither rate is a direct regret measurement. The 48% inaction figure is a “made my life harder” sentiment measure — adjacent to but not identical to retrospective regret. The 17% on the action side is not a regret measurement at all: it is the share of people-pleasers who say the trait made their life easier — a satisfaction measure of the inaction behavior, surfaced as a same-survey reference point rather than inverted into a regret-of-boundary-setting rate. No survey directly measures the regret of having set firm limits. The denominator on both sides is conditional on self-identifying as a people-pleaser, which is roughly half the US adult population. The population-wide inaction-regret rate is closer to 23%, but the conditional rate is the relevant figure because the dilemma only arises for adults whose default behavior is over-accommodation. The directional finding — chronic accommodation is regretted at roughly three times the rate of firm limit-setting — is consistent across two independent YouGov samples and corroborated by peer-reviewed work on invitation declining. The precise magnitudes should be held loosely.
Sumber: tindakan
Buku besar klaim
Setiap angka di bawah ini adalah apa yang dilaporkan masing-masing sumber, dengan kutipan kata demi kata yang kami andalkan dan bagaimana kami sampai pada angka kami. Klik tautan mana saja untuk memverifikasi langsung.
1/2 sumber diverifikasi secara independen kata demi kata terhadap sumber terkutip
[1]YouGov US — Half of self-described people-pleasers think being this way makes life harder
Terverifikasi
Sumber referensi
Among US adults who self-identify as people-pleasers (48% of the sample), 17% say being this way has made their life easier, 48% say it has made their life harder, and 22% say it has had no effect
Kutipan
“"About half (48%) of Americans definitely or probably would describe themselves as people-pleasers. Among them, 17% of self-described people-pleasers say it has made their life easier; 48% say it's made their life harder. 22% say it has had no effect."
”
Data sumber dari
2024-09-04
Diakses
2026-05-24
Verifikasi
Kutipan diambil ulang secara independen dan dikonfirmasi kata demi kata terhadap sumber terkutip selama audit pendasaran kami.
Perhitungan
YouGov US online survey of 1,122 US adults, fielded August 26-30, 2024. The 17% figure is the percentage of self-identified people-pleasers who say the trait has made their life EASIER. It measures satisfaction with the people-pleasing (inaction) behavior; it is NOT a measurement of regret among people who set firm limits. No nationally representative survey measures the regret of people who actually set firm limits, so this side has no direct measure. We do not invert "people-pleasing made my life easier" into "regret of boundary-setting" — those are different constructs measured on a different population. The 17% is shown only as a same-survey satisfaction reference point and the entry is flagged proxy_only. Read the bar as "the action side is not directly measured," not as a measured action-side regret rate.
[2]Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Givi & Kirk, 2023); APA press release — Saying No: The Negative Ramifications From Invitation Declines Are Less Severe Than We Think
Telaah sejawat
Across five experiments with more than 2,000 total participants, prospective decliners overestimated how angry and disappointed inviters would feel; in a pilot 77% of respondents reported accepting unwanted invitations because of those concerns
Kutipan
“"Across five experiments with more than 2,000 total participants, the negative ramifications of saying no are much less severe than we expect. In an initial pilot study, more than three-quarters (77%) of respondents reported accepting unwanted invitations because of concerns about declining."
”
Data sumber dari
2023-12-11
Diakses
2026-05-24
Perhitungan
Givi & Kirk (2023), Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, published online December 11, 2023 (DOI 10.1037/pspi0000443). APA press release used as the verifiable public URL; the underlying paper is paywalled. Series of five experiments with combined N>2,000 testing the anticipated-versus-actual social cost of declining invitations. Peer-reviewed finding that decliners consistently overestimate the relational damage of saying no. Used as corroborating evidence that the action-side regret rate for firm-limit-setting is plausibly low — if the social cost of declining is consistently milder than feared, the post-decision regret rate should track that pattern. Not a direct regret measurement; supports the order-of-magnitude proxy on the action side.
Sumber: tidak bertindak
Buku besar klaim
Setiap angka di bawah ini adalah apa yang dilaporkan masing-masing sumber, dengan kutipan kata demi kata yang kami andalkan dan bagaimana kami sampai pada angka kami. Klik tautan mana saja untuk memverifikasi langsung.
2/3 sumber diverifikasi secara independen kata demi kata terhadap sumber terkutip
[1]YouGov US — Half of self-described people-pleasers think being this way makes life harder
Sumber referensi
48% of self-identified people-pleasers say being this way has made their life harder; 17% (very often) and 35% (somewhat often) feel they cannot say no to people; 5% (very often) and 20% (somewhat often) agree with people when they actually disagree
Kutipan
“"Nearly half (48%) say being a people-pleaser has made their life harder. Among self-identified people-pleasers, 17% very often and 35% somewhat often feel like they can't say 'no' to people. Five percent very often and 20% somewhat often agree with people when they actually disagree."
”
Data sumber dari
2024-09-04
Diakses
2026-05-24
Perhitungan
Same YouGov 2024 survey. 48% of self-described people-pleasers (who comprise 48% of US adults overall) say being this way has made their life harder. We use this as the headline inaction-side rate because it is the closest direct survey measure of regret-equivalent sentiment toward chronic over-accommodation. The denominator is conditional: among ALL US adults, the equivalent population-wide rate is roughly 48% (self-ID rate) × 48% (life-harder rate) ≈ 23%. We use the conditional rate as the headline because the regret-pair dilemma is meaningful only for adults whose default is over-accommodation; for adults who do not over-accommodate by default, the decision does not arise. Not a direct regret measure but the tightest available sentiment anchor.
[2]YouGov US — Women are more likely than men to say they're a people-pleaser
Terverifikasi
Sumber referensi
Among self-identified people-pleasers, 39% say being this way has made their life harder; women are markedly more likely than men to report life-harder (47% vs 26%)
Kutipan
“"Among Americans who say they're a people-pleaser (49% of the sample), 39% say being this way has made their life harder. Women who self-identify as people-pleasers (47%) are far more likely than men who self-identify as people-pleasers (26%) to say being a people-pleaser has made their life harder."
”
Data sumber dari
2022-06-23
Diakses
2026-05-24
Verifikasi
Kutipan diambil ulang secara independen dan dikonfirmasi kata demi kata terhadap sumber terkutip selama audit pendasaran kami.
Perhitungan
YouGov US online survey of 1,000 US adults, fielded June 18-21, 2022. Two-year-earlier replication of the headline finding with a comparable rate (39% in 2022 versus 48% in 2024). The 47/26 gender split suggests the regret-equivalent sentiment is heavily gendered, consistent with the broader literature on unmitigated communion (Helgeson) and sociotropy. Used as a cross-time replication anchor for the 2024 headline rate.
[3]Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (Roese & Summerville) — What We Regret Most ... and Why
Terverifikasi
↗ 13 other entries
Telaah sejawat
Regrets of inaction persist longer than regrets of action, in part because they reflect greater perceived opportunity within affected life domains
Kutipan
“"Regrets of inaction persist longer than regrets of action in part because they reflect greater perceived opportunity."
”
Data sumber dari
2005-09-01
Diakses
2026-05-24
Verifikasi
Kutipan diambil ulang secara independen dan dikonfirmasi kata demi kata terhadap sumber terkutip selama audit pendasaran kami.
Perhitungan
Roese & Summerville (2005), Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 31(9), 1273-1285. Foundational meta-analytic finding that inaction regrets dominate long-term retrospective evaluations. Used as theoretical scaffolding: chronic over-accommodation is a sustained pattern of self-assertion inaction, and the Roese-Summerville pattern predicts it will accumulate more long-term regret weight than discrete firm-limit-setting episodes. Not a direct rate measurement; used as cross-literature support for the inaction-dominant pattern of this decision.
Catatan
Kedua tingkat adalah proksi. Tingkat sisi kelambanan 48% mengukur proporsi people-pleaser yang mengidentifikasi diri yang mengatakan sifat itu telah membuat hidup mereka lebih sulit — sebuah sentimen yang berdekatan tetapi tidak identik dengan penyesalan retrospektif atas tidak menetapkan batas. Sisi tindakan tidak memiliki ukuran langsung sama sekali: tidak ada survei yang menanyakan kepada orang yang benar-benar menetapkan batas tegas apakah mereka menyesalinya. Angka 17% yang ditampilkan di sisi itu hanyalah proporsi people-pleaser yang mengatakan sifat itu membuat hidup mereka lebih mudah — sebuah ukuran kepuasan atas perilaku kelambanan, pada populasi yang berbeda. Kami tidak membaliknya menjadi tingkat penyesalan-atas-penetapan-batas; angka itu hanyalah titik acuan dari survei yang sama, itulah sebabnya entri ini ditandai proxy_only. Penyebutnya bersyarat pada orang yang mengidentifikasi diri sebagai people-pleaser (kira-kira separuh populasi orang dewasa AS); tingkat penyesalan-kelambanan di seluruh populasi lebih dekat ke ~23%. Kami menggunakan tingkat bersyarat karena dilema ini hanya bermakna bagi orang dewasa yang perilaku bawaannya adalah terlalu akomodatif. Givi dkk. (2023, JPSP) memberikan bukti tinjauan sejawat bahwa penolak secara sistematis melebih-lebihkan biaya sosial dari mengatakan tidak, konsisten dengan tingkat penyesalan sisi tindakan yang rendah, tetapi bukan itu sendiri sebuah pengukuran penyesalan. Domain keputusan ini mencakup konteks romantis, tempat kerja, keluarga, dan sosial; data YouGov tidak memisahkan konteks-konteks ini, sehingga tingkat utama harus dibaca sebagai rata-rata lintas konteks, bukan spesifik-konteks. Versi dilema ini yang spesifik-tempat-kerja dibahas terpisah oleh entri speaking-up-vs-staying-silent.
